NHS Efficiency

Rant Time.

Because I've not been to see a doctor for a few years I've been struck off my previous GP's records. Great, thanks.

And because I'm trying to buy a flat (a process that apparently needs to be extravagantly complicated at every conceivable stage, and to be handled by a number of parties, each consisting solely of unreliable, inefficient ambassadors of ineptitude) I need a medical note for the compulsory life cover on my mortgage.

OK, should be no problem.

So I called the NHS surgery nearest to where I'm moving and they said, "Sure, just come down and fill in a form". So I bussed and walked my way over there, to be told on arrival that the person on the phone (I'm sure it was the same woman) had misinformed me because I need to have already moved to the area before I can register.

Great. Thanks for wasting my time.

But that's not all. According to the receptionist, it would take about two months for them to get my medical records, and that they can't write the medical note I need until they have those records. She said: "They'll be in a vault somewhere".

Two months? A Vault? What? Why?

I guess the two months is owing to this vault being on the wrong side of a series of Indiana-Jones-esque traps, in a labyrinth only accessible by cave diving into the heart of an inactive (or active?) volcano somewhere beneath Antactica. Oh, and Indy's on leave.


Dear Patricia Hewitt, Health Minister,

Please could you explain how it's possible for both of the following statements to be true at the same time:

a) It takes two months to get my medical records.
b) You still have a job.

Regards,
Ade

P.S. Oh, I hear the NHS IT upgrade is having a few problems. It's only a computer database for god's sake. How hard can it be?


Some days I do wish Sturgeon's Law didn't have to apply to people too.